I'm back! Billlaaaa

Tada! Assalamu Alaikum!

I'm back after 8months! Been travelling to Singapore and settling with my baby... Nowadays, I read up more on baby food, baby care.. bla bla... its the priority now. My little sweety is now 8months and a week old. We named her Aisyah Humaira - I guess i didnt update. Hehehe....

Post partum is no fun at all..seriously! Until now, I am on a one way emotional roller coaster. Feeling delighted smtimes...and all of a sudden I'm down..Haiz. And i really really hate it when I'm down. You know, the feeling when you don't know what made you sad,,but ur just sad and every single thing that happens around you irritates you and makes you fume?! And you just wanna punch every1 in the face and then run and dive in face down into a pool of iced water? Yeahhh....that happens! SSSOOOOOOO often! Totally no fun!

But I'm loving it. The way Aisyah says maa (I doubt she knows I'm maa) and her recent nae nae utterings.. and her humming sometime! YES! SHE SINGS! lol.... I'm totally enjoying it. Really, alhamdullilah..Thank you dear lord for blessing me with a baby, good health and the ability to stay at home and watch her grow.

=)

Day 2!

Bad breastfeeding experience... she bites toooo hard!

Day Uno!

pop tart has popped!

Alhamdullilah... i have delivered! Baby successfully landed on hospi bed at 10.41am on 15th Apr 2013.. i had mild contractions ttnite.. strted at bt maghrib.. n got worst arnd 1am.. at 1.30 nasri did e milo n egg shiok drink. N scary mary pains started at 1.40.. at 10 to 15mins intervals.. we came to hospi at 3.15am n got admitted abt 3.30.. dilated to 1.5cm.. n then at abt 6am i was dilated to almost 2cm...at 7 they brought me to labour room n got me on drips.. i was also given general painkiller.. tt helped me SOOO much. I cld sleep a little. I was given gas also.. then i cant realli remb when serious.contractions strted.. all i remb was i had e urge to push n e nurse told me not to.. cos e hole might get swollen.. unfortunately, i cldnt resist n juz pushed. Nasri was beside me calming me not to push.. but i cldnt resist. Alhamdullillah nothing happened though.. i got my baby out in a couple of pushes.. feel so blessed for e easy delivery

Juz a day from my due... n no signs of popping yet. Cervix has only opened to 1cm... i guess she is too comfy inside. Hehehe...

Mummy Returns...

Smhow.. when things seems to be ending, u realise it was only a vicious cycle.. i thot by getting my side down fr periyappa's 40th, things will get abit btr... but juz looks like things will get messed up again.. i dont know. Even nasri is nt consoling me or giving me any strength.. i feel so weak n skeptical. I juz wish he can give me a helping hand. Hold my hand n tell me 'we r in this together. We'd work this out. I'll help u'... but instead, he's juz blatantly putting e truth on a rusty platter... it hurts. Not feeling too good... im juz getting sandwhiched between both sides. but no matter wat.. i can never ever bear for dad to be scolded.. for his head to hang loose. Even if he deserves it.. i can never see him tt way

Hurt-Say Sorry-N buy her a Starbucks

I dont know y.. im feelg so distant from him.. he seems to be a completely different person.. i juz feel like im with sm1 else but not the same Nasri whom I loved.... is it that what he said tt day affected me so much? or.. im juz so disappointed?

He smsd me last afternoon saying sorry if he has hurt me. i didnt reply. i didnt know wat to say. i had so much to say rather than juz an ok. he brought me to starbucks last nite.. i didnt hv the heart to appreciate it or even say thank u. all i felt was... a coffee juz to make up for the hurt? r my feelings that cheap??

i dont know. hope allah gives me the graciousness to forgive n forget...

Hospital Bag List...

There's my grand list!

But smhow, i dread packing cos it makes me so damn nervous...

Even he has sided with his dad now.. i feel very lonely. its juz me n my baby here.. same point many years later.
Let me juz deliver... once done, i will give them the baby n leave..

if they had any mercy on me.. even e slightest tt im a full term pregnant woman, they wldnt hv hurt me like this. father n son. both THE SAME!! I feel utterly disappointed with nasri.. he is nt doing justice to me as a husband. he will always be his dad's son. let me go! i dun need u or ur family. i dont need ppl who r merciless or cannot forgive sm1. as long as he is alive, he wont stop cribbing abt my dad. i shall leave. choose sm1 of ur own kind to suit ur son.

i have had enuff!

Onnu pomaa... onnu varuthu

Yeh kya re? Life is juz bcoming too packed n upsetting..mama sent an sms to nasri yday after nasri told him the excerpt of the Singapore event on Sunday nite. Seems he heard e story well but e bomb exploded onli e next day!

Really cant digest n accept how can he mercilessly say i arranged fr this drama? I onli had gud niyat. All i wanted is both families to be together.. all i wanted was peace fr my daughter when she comes.... but his sms juz upsetted me so damn much. Really! I cried alot...i nvr ever saw him as a Fil. He was a fatherly figure to me.. thinkg abt wat he said makes me upset till now... i refuse to eat today.. juz ate abit for the sake of my child..i feel so ashamed to eat in the house of sm1 who framed me up...

10 evenings in Singapore!

Yess! I went back home aft a yr!! It was very sad to leave dearest hubby even though I knew it was juz a 10 day trip... but i juz felt so sad leavg him.. i left on feb 21st.. after my GMC appt.. mum came to bring me home.. it was all gud n chill at home. Well received, ate alot.. happy n all... Nasri came on mar 2nd morn for Safeenah's wedding n we were scheduled to leave the next day. Kaka, dad  myself picked him up frm e airport.. dad n kaka spoke to him over lumch abt problems n all.. they apologised n alhamdullilah Nasri was cool as well. He accepted e apology.. i cld see a difference in his attitude towards them after that. Alhamdullilah. e wedding was a fine event. I was a proud wife n mummy. Hehe... we stayed tt nite n rashida's house.. on march 3rd mum served us simple breakfast.. n we left to airport aft tt..

dr from GMC juz confirmed that its a girl!

Here i am once again, stepping into this blog to give a complete report of all tt has happened. I left my previous post with butterflies in my tummy abt how to declare to my family that im gonna deliver in msia. So, i shall juz continue from there. I guessd it wld be a more accessible route to tell kaka instead. Not tell la, more like discuss.. n during the call kaka was tellg me tt its wiser to deliver in msia since i really want dual citizenship. So... n i requestd him to explain this to mum instead. He said ok.. n 2 days after that,. Bomb blast lor!!! Mum call me n was saying i wanna kevala paduthuraan them.. bla bla... tt nite rashidah calld me n scolded me... she brought up the event where she n mum met mama n all.. then she said u dun bother abt dual citizenship n all.. maanam mariyatham, gauruvam thaan mukiyam n crap... i was fuckin irritated.. more like upset la... cldnt sleep n had headache as usual.. then abt 2 days aft tt, on 16th jan, i had my perak rd clinic check up... the doc askd if my bb moves every hr.. n i said no.. it moves once in 2 or 3 hrs... tts it la... kenna admit!!

Masuk ward! The best part was  they brought me tk GH in an ambulance with the siren ON!! I explained so much to the docs tt i had diarrhea n tts y i cldnt eat well n all... in e end, kenna scold fr not rushing to hospi when bb's mvmnt reduced.. hmm, lesson indeed! I called syg when i was at e clinic... he panic big time! N rushed to GH aft tt.... theh did ecg fr the bb.. weird, i was already fainting durig tt period. Guess pressure drop cos not enuff water.. n i got a huge shock after tt.. mama, mami n farisha came to e hospi.. sian loh!! Y u all buat susah?? Ketta akkere la..n there was a bigger shock aft tt... the GH ward was TERRIBLE!! I mean.. like SERIOUSLY, BIG TIME SCARY SHIT TERRIBLE!! It was like those tamil movie dharma aspithiri scenario.. a huuuugeee array of abt 30 to 40 beds.. but thankfully, it was not smelly or anything (i thot).sweetheart was trying his level best to transfer me to 1st class.. but juz cldnt. So i said, its ok.. probably juz a day, id manage. AND CAME THE NITE.. n mosquitoes!!!

Voohhh mmyy gaaawdd... n it was sooo hot!! I cld hardly sleep. I almost cried :( n worst.. got visitors at 12midnite!like wat fuck! Dont u guys hv visiting hours??? N then at abt 1.30a.m i received an sms from my syg 'My palace is empty without my queen..' ya allah... i read tt n i felt sooo sad for him... my poor baby :( sob sob.... n at abt 2... the most horrifying chapter begun.. there was this bangla lady who got warded to the bed juz behind me.. n she had labour pains!!! She aas screaming in pain all nite.. her hubby was cryig.. fuyyyooohh... soooo scary seriously! She was brought for opp at abt 8am.. i got discharged at abt 11am. I juz hope she is fine. Ok ok.. enuff of GH stories..


Mami admission
My ears got deaf
Mama's change
whynasriloves me
Babyshopping
Cirit chapter
Dr heng declarig its a boy
Gleneagles episode

Panic!

SAD

Hasnt been an awesome day.. oh well,letme get back to heglucose test tt i left hanging yday... i reachd tt clinic at 9.40 n my 1st blood sample was drawn at 10.. n aft tt the nurse gave me this horrible horrible sugar solution.. thinkg of it juz mks me wanna puke!!! n then she drew my blood at 12 again.. i felt weird e whole day n my right inner elbow was blue back till abt 2-3weeks! back to today.. ive had diarrhoea fr past 2 days.. even this mrng but stopped aft tt. im feelg giddy n week cos i hvnt been eatg well.. i also went fr othura class today. e uztazah said i can recite well. masha allah Baby is now responding to my sounds n light. alhamdullilah tts a sign tt he\she is growing well... me n daddy actually discussed n decided tt i will deliver in sg since i got no1 to tk care of me during my pantang here.. but we juz found out tt bb cant get dual citizenship if born in sg cos stoopid msia wont accept dual citizenship * ohhh MALAYSIA pls grow up man!!!!!* n i dunno hw im gonna tell mum this... feelg so upset la....but smhow.. im juz consoling myself tt all gud n bad cms from allah... hope this is a blessing in disguise. At least this time pls

Im doing injustice to this blog! Seriously!! I actually wantd to update every day.. But look wat ive juz done!! Voh maai gaawd!! I didnt write thru out dec!!! Well.. Dec was a pretty exciting month full of ups n downs.. We were settg up e house.. Shopping fr furnitures almost every single bloody weekend!! In the end, all is well.. We got a fridge n a washing machine n a clock n a carpet! Masha allah.. Id share pix of them if i can.. On top of tt, we also gt our astro fixed! My empty house is finally getting its form n is now a place tt i can stay in fr a whole day! Im so thankful fr these... On the other hand,dear husband wanted to treat me to 500bux n i can do anythg wit tt.. Instead of gettg bags n shoes.. I went to get myself sm maternity wear..i bought 2 tops,2pants n a dress.. I juz simply love e dress!! On a sad note, Wira got injured in a fire accident below the block.. Well it wasnt realli an accident..it was smth done on purpose actually. Sm1 flamed up a bike n our car along with 3 other bikes got burnt :-( Next, our rezeki. Alhamdullilah, he/she is doing gooood.. Well, too good tt its too big!haha.. During my 25th week check up, heng said tt baby is as big as a 27week old. But mum told me not to diet n all.. Juz go with e flow.. I also went to perak rd clinic fr a govtcheck up.. They say e same thing there.. Cant really see gender n all..n also told me to do a glucose tolerance test since dad has diabetes.. It was a 3hr fucking test! Oh il talk abt tt another day.. Feel like puking now. Gud bye!